QUESTION: Please give us an example of a difficult interaction you had with someone. Please describe the situation, what was difficult about it, and how you resolved it. (500-800 words)
"I'm planning to quit."
These are not words that presage an easy conversation. Even if you actually want an employee to leave, you still have to be sensitive, patient, and at least mildly regretful before you can accept her resignation. But if you've just become her manager, and you need to preserve stability and expertise in a rapidly shifting team, then the conversation promises to be far more difficult indeed.
Such was the situation I faced one gray September afternoon, the afternoon of the same day that I had announced I would be managing my firm's Assessment Operations team. I was starting the first of my one-on-one meetings with team members, a meeting I had hoped would kick off a long and fruitful relationship with [deleted], the team's Project Associate. Having known [deleted] in passing for the previous two years and having found her prickly but capable, I'd imagined that this conversation would help us get to know each other, clarify her and my responsibilities, and affirm a mutually rewarding ľ and enduring ľ working relationship. Instead, unless I accomplished some quick damage control, I would have to hire yet another novice onto the team, to replace a valued employee on whom I would feel I'd turned my back.
So I took a breath, gestured an invitation to take a seat, and said, "I'm terribly sorry to hear that, [deleted]. Can you tell me why you want to leave?"
"Well, I haven't had a raise in over a year, and I'm still doing all the basic stuff that no one else takes the trouble to do."
We discussed "the basic stuff" for a few minutes, both to identify the tasks and to make sure [deleted] realized I respected her expertise. I then asked whether she had managed client projects independently.
"No, nothing big. The people that have run this group haven't given me credit for all my hard work."
"What makes you feel that you haven't been given credit?"
"I haven't had any important projects, and I've been kept down, just because they think I'm stupid because I don't have a college degree."
As I had suspected, the issue wasn't just money. Insecure over her educational background, [deleted] feared that she would never be promoted and would always be consigned to tedious responsibilities. I spent some minutes clarifying her particular anger at her previous supervisors, largely to ensure that she wasn't antagonistic toward the organization or management in general, then began moving from problems to solutions.
"[Deleted], let me summarize what I've heard, just to make sure I'm clear. You feel you've put in a lot of hard work for which you haven't received recognition. And you're interested in being a Project Manager, but you believe you haven't been given a fair chance. Is that right?"
"Exactly."
"Do you feel you're ready to manage client projects ľ be the primary point of contact, develop the client relationships, establish parameters and timetables, manage from end to end?"
"Sure. I mean, some of that stuff makes me nervous. I enjoy talking to clients, but I haven't been the official Project Manager, so I've never had to be the only one responsible for making the project go well. But the technical stuff is what I already do."
This was the opening I was looking for. I understood now what [deleted] wanted, but not knowing her well, I wasn't yet confident that she was ready for a full Project Manager role, and I didn't want to set a bad precedent ľ if only in her mind ľ by promoting her on the spot. Fortunately, she was acknowledging that she needed more skills, skills that I was in a good position to teach her.
"[Deleted], I don't want you to leave, and I do want you to become a Project Manager. What if I assign you increasingly complex client projects, join the initial project planning conversations, help you write the timetables and letters of agreement, and train you on all the stages you're not yet comfortable with? Then, when you've had some experience, you'll be ready for the official promotion. Can we try that arrangement together?"
[Deleted] has been an Assessment Project Manager since January 2001. I recently asked her whether she still thinks about resigning. "Why would I quit?" she asked. "I mean, I like my clients, and I'm learning so much." Having received opportunities and respect, [deleted] has responded with renewed energy, productivity, and enthusiasm. All of these were well worth a difficult conversation.
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