我考试时写的作文 (我对作文的一些基本观点在六楼)

-- 作者：snow_mountain

-- 发布时间：2004-7-20 10:09:00

-- 我考试时写的作文 (我对作文的一些基本观点在六楼)

应pumpkinMM的要求把我考试时写的两片作文贴出来. 让大家看看, 其实6分作文真的不是很难. 另, 两片都没有做proofreading, 所以语法啦, 拼写错误在所难免, 大家读的时候将就点.

AI-109

Should the employees have full access to their own personal files, such as certain confidential materials? The problem seems to arouse controversy between different opinion groups. Whereas some may advocate that employees should be granted such free access to their own personal documents, other may strongly oppose that giving the employees full access to their personal files will bring about a possibility that the people supplying that information would not be likely to express their opinions candidly. Recognizing that a more proper solution to the question can only be achieved by incorporating all relevant aspects, I would like to advocate that employee should at least have the right to see their own personal document of the performance rating.

Firstly, I believe that when personal files, such as performance rating are kept away from the employees, these documents mean no more than waste paper to the employees. Giving the employees free access to their files of performance rating will give the employees a deeper understanding on works, their performance and themselves. Inconfident employees will realize they are actually not as incompetent as they thought, while complacent employees will be aware that they are still lacking in some aspects.

Secondly, performance reports can be used an efficient incentive to encourage the employees to make progress in their jobs. The employees’ salaries, their opportunities of promotions and raises can be established on the performance rating system. By giving the employees free access to their performance reviews, employers make it clear on which aspects the employers can make improvements.

Thirdly, granting employees free access to their performance rating will guard against the possibility of prejudice and unfairness from the side of the information-suppliers who make the performance rating. Seeing such files can clear out the employees\' doubt that the reports on performance rating are personally-biased to the detriment of them. In my opinion, this realization of being treated fairly itself will boost the employees\' interests in their jobs and help them to build up their confidence.

Some of my dissenters may contend that giving the employees access to their personal documents will exert an ill influence on the credibility of the information itself. Admittedly, it may be the case. However, since there is no need to keep the names of informants on the documents, the negative effects can be easily avoided.

In final analysis, because of the above-mentioned reasons, which probably interweave into an organic whole and become more compelling, we are safely arrived at the conclusion that the employees should at least have full access to their personal files such as performance rating.

AA- new 1

In this argument, the author makes a conclusion that the city should plant artificial flowers instead of real flowers in big decorative pot on Main Street. The author\'s line of reasoning is established on his assumption that by planting plastic flowers, the city can save money. To support such an assumption, the author cites three supportive examples: last year, the city contracted with Flower Power to plant a variety of flowers and to water them each, yet by midsummer many of the plants were wilted; although the initial cost for plastic flowers is twice as much as real plants, the city can save money after two years; finally, public reaction will definitely support the proposal. At the first glance, the argument seems to be somewhat convincing. However, a close and deep reflection reveals how groundless and problematic it is. In the following paragraphs, I should elaborate the main flaws in the argument.

In the first place, the author fails to explore the real underlying reasons for the death of the plants and flowers. Instead, he makes a gratuitous assumption that more frequent watering is needed. However, the author fails to substantiate his point. In no case can the mere fact that the flowers are wilted help to build up such an assumption flawlessly. It is possible that many of the plants were wilted because they required drier soils for survival and thriving. Unless the author can build up a causal correlation between the survival of the plants and more needed watering, the assumption remains questionable and open to discussion.

In the second place, the author mentions that planting plastic flowers means the saving of money in the long run. However, the credibility of such an assertion has yet to be established, especially since the author ignores to point out that most of the plastic plants will last for more than two years. One obvious rebuttal to the author\'s reasoning is that investigations show that a majority of plastic plants, if planted on the Main Street, can only last for at most two years without the protection from direct sunshine. In such a case, the author\'s assertion that planting plastic plants will save money is of dubious validity.

In the third place, the author believes that the public will certainly support his position, as over 1200 Gazette readers said that the city wastes money and should find ways to reduce spending. Yet, such a survey result is neither representative nor reliable. Actually, it is rather misleading, since the author lacks direct evidence to buoy his assumption that the viewpoint of the 1200 Gazette can largely reflects the opinion of the majority of the residents. Besides, even if most of the residents do favor for a reduced spending, they may not necessarily consider the author\'s suggestion a proper way of reduction in expenditure. Therefore, the author makes a hasty conclusion that the public will support his position for sure.

To sum up, because it is plagued with the above-stated fallacies, the argument is flawed. To buttress his argument, the author should provide more direct evidence indicating that planting plastic plants will be more money-saving than planting real flowers. Moreover, the feasibility of planting and maintaining the plastic plants should also be taken into consideration. Additionally, a more related and reliable survey showing the real support for the author\'s recommendation will also cement the author\'s position.

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-7-20 15:45:12编辑过]

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-- 作者：snow_mountain

-- 发布时间：2004-7-20 10:37:00

估计MM就要说偶,

搞了好久, 似乎不行.

行距我也搞不定. 还有MM跨贴引用的技术, 我很好奇............

我连本贴的引用都摸了很久

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-- 作者：lwei1016

-- 发布时间：2004-7-20 14:00:00

哇~~~~~~~~~~~~写得太好了！

猛烈的学习一下，沾点兄弟的光。考试的时候来点灵感的说。

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-- 作者：snow_mountain

-- 发布时间：2004-7-20 15:41:00

以下是引用lwei1016在2004-7-20 14:00:00的发言：

哇~~~~~~~~~~~~写得太好了！

猛烈的学习一下，沾点兄弟的光。考试的时候来点灵感的说。

偶家领导说偶写的文章: 废话连篇. 连看都没兴趣, 唉. 因为我每次写了都打出来, 被人家说成是浪费资源..........

其实作文就是这样的, 东扯西扯, 关键扯圆了就好.

作文的关键:

一句话变着花样说, 不要反反复复都用几个单词. 要让老师觉得你是有话说才说怎么多的, 不是没话唐僧.

强调一下, 思维的紧凑性. 一个段落里面放一个中心思想. 不要一段里面几句话very loosely connected. 很多中国人写文章喜欢这样, 东一句西一句的, 老外的论证一般比较严密.

建议多读OG RC里面的议论文, 片片都是好论证. 我在练习写作的时候借鉴了很多其中的表达, 词汇和论证结构. 呵呵, 即练习了写作又练习了阅读, 何乐而不为?

最后, 建议大家多写. 模板永远只是个骨架, 没有血肉,光有个好架子, 只会更引起评分人的怀疑. 特别是AI, 没有好的论述肯定是不行的.

网上有不少人称作文不好因为用优秀模板而的高分的例子, 我没有读过他们的文章, 不敢乱评论. 但就我看过的例子: whipwan (6.0), robertchu (5.5, 如果没记错的话), 包括我自己, 都是遵循练手的原则, 写了很多篇.

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-- 作者：snow_mountain

-- 发布时间：2004-7-21 10:25:00

[1. I am on campus now and cannot type Chinese.

First you select the word you want to quote,

then use the buttom on the upper left, the second one to the last/quote]

[make a try/quote]

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-- 作者：snow_mountain

-- 发布时间：2004-7-21 10:28:00

倒, MM有空就来看看9楼的. 我为什么不行呢?

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-- 作者：whipwan

-- 发布时间：2004-7-21 13:50:00

辛苦了

顶一下

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-- 作者：valarie

-- 发布时间：2004-7-22 0:29:00

Really wonderful writing. I believe you will succeed in your application too. Just curious, how did you remember what you wrote in the exam? :)

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-- 作者：snow_mountain

-- 发布时间：2004-7-22 10:05:00

I think those are not the exact passage he wrote during the exam.

They are what he wrote when preparing the AWA.

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-- 作者：snow_mountain

-- 发布时间：2004-7-22 10:13:00

唉, 终于明白了. 汗...............

南瓜说的没错. 但因为考前又看过一遍, 考试的时候写的基本上就是这个样子.

BTW, 南瓜, 没考完T前, 不许你再出现在其他区了!!!!!!

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-- 作者：kekegrace

-- 发布时间：2004-8-9 10:51:00

谢谢bryony分享！！

也谢谢pumpkin！！

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-- 作者：cocoabean

-- 发布时间：2004-9-16 21:34:00

真功夫! pfpf!

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-- 作者：甜橙

-- 发布时间：2004-10-15 4:34:00

投机分子也来学人家写文章。先copy了再说，bryonyDD别见怪。谢谢！

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-- 作者：leafye

-- 发布时间：2004-10-15 9:17:00

Excellent writing.

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-- 作者：无痕若雪

-- 发布时间：2004-11-2 12:00:00

说实话，我觉得比224篇范文里的好多文章都写得好的多。那些所谓的范文真的不知道再说什么东东~~~~~

mm的非常言之有理的说：）

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-- 作者：soaring

-- 发布时间：2004-11-3 12:51:00

以下是引用snow_mountain在2004-7-21 10:25:00的发言：

[1. I am on campus now and cannot type Chinese.

First you select the word you want to quote,

then use the buttom on the upper left, the second one to the last/quote]

[make a try/quote]

哈哈哈哈哈，逗死我了~！哪有GG这样的

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-- 作者：无痕若雪

-- 发布时间：2004-11-3 13:59:00

楼主不是位mm吗，怎么大家都叫GG??

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-- 作者：无痕若雪

-- 发布时间：2004-11-4 0:25:00

snow_mountain MM: 看了你的6分作文，流口水拉结构！！很好，逻辑严密，语言优美更是没得说。但是我看到你好像没有举例子，所以我想问下是不是作文不是一定要有例子的，只要论证就行了？我实在是不知道怎么举例子，哎！还有10天就考了，希望不要糊掉~~~

谢谢MM:)

我给你发了短信了嘻嘻：）

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-- 作者：snow_mountain

-- 发布时间：2004-11-5 9:41:00

都回了。

摘抄部分回复：

我写作的时候， AI有很明显的模仿AWA224的风格，特别是早期练习的时候。建议你看看。

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-- 作者：snow_mountain

-- 发布时间：2004-11-5 9:43:00

后期比较多的模仿OG 里面RC的风格。带论证风格的那些篇。

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-- 作者：hpp920

-- 发布时间：2004-11-24 3:36:00

好文,顶!

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原文引自：
https://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardid=26&id=60446

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