[转帖]From ..com
General suggestions to all the applicants 
1. What do you want to present in your PS? It seems many applicants are not sure what they want to present in the PS. To show who you are with just beautiful words, to brag your accomplishments without any details, to simply pay a tribute to the universities? All these kinds of contents are nothing but empty. Why do many applicants feel that they have nothing to write for PS? Explore yourself first. 
2. Write for yourself: We have talked about the banal approaches in PS writing. But we still find the same sentences like "The choice of ABC for a career was no accident for me. When I was in elementary school..." in different essays. Be specific and be yourself when writing. You can only write for yourself so you put your passion and true feelings into it. Only in that way can you impress people. 
A well-written PS is a whole picture of yourself. There can be of little use to focus on the words selecting and other writing skills without a clear structure and content in mind. So don't just polish your words. Polish your thinkings first!
Sample Critique:
Stevens Finance, a Master student in the UK, GRE 2200, TOEFL 613
Personal Statement:
Finance
Blue: comments by DouDou

By Steven, a . Member
November 6, 2001 

Write a detailed and carefully edited statement below, indicating your reasons for wishing to undertake graduate study, your reasons for choosing The University of ABC, and your plans for a professional career. Describe your background and strengths and weaknesses of your preparation for graduate study.
"Recently Mechanic Engineering Department gave its first 'Lifelong Learning' award to William C. Stacy. As a bomber pilot in World War II, Mr. Stacy never gave up his academic dream. He obtained B.S. at 26 and Master at 43. While in his mid 70's, he began Ph.D. study. After his 81st birthday, he completed all of his course work. The department is proud to recognize Mr. Stacy for his fine example to students and faculty of lifelong learning" - Bringham Young University Newsletter October 2001. (Just among the 10 . Essay Review recipients, you are the second who quoted Mr. Stacy's story, mentioned in Li Wei's story. Then imagine how many . readers will quote it too? Don't copy!)
From very early age I admired such people as Mr. Stacy devoting life to academic learning. My academic dream is to become a scholar in finance. My mother, a senior manager in China People Bank (China's central bank), heavily influenced me. She owned a whole room of economics and financial management books. From her, I knew finance is not only challenging but also rewarding. I believed learning finance could expand my mind and contribute to society. (Because 'challenging and rewarding?" How about computer and EE? Your reason is general so it is not convincing.) When I went to college, I chose International Finance as my major without hesitation. 
At XXX University, the top one in Chi